Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
