i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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