Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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