garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
