I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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