so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
