Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
