I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
