i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
