im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
