not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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