she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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