i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
