You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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