Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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