Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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