Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
