I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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