One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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