an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
