You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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