CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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