did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he was CRYING into my vagina
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
