I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
