Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
