1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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