I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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