I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
