Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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