so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
