sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
