Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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