My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
