I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
