yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Boobs speak an international language.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
