That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize