I'll bet she douches with gravy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
