I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
