u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Panties = found
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
