and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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