I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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