My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
