did you get engaged???
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
