her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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