You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
