Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15

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(914): View more from New York

Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.

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(207): View more from Maine

I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.

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(415): View more from California

apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window

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(212): View more from New York

No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.

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(573): View more from Missouri

She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.

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