I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
