I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
