Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we're making bets on your personal life
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize