Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
