I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
