After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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