apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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