I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Im part way to drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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