take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So much rum. So many feels.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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