I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Your cock deserves a montage
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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