The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
