So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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