and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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