He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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