she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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