i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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