the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
