Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
