I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize