dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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