I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
