Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
