it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
