you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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