Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
