it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
