Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
