his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize