I cannot find my penis.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
