so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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