420 ftw
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize