And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
