just tell him i said nine months
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
this just has baby written all over it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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