He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
