remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
