What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize