dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
