i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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