Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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