never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
