remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
