The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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