i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I still have a little drunk in my system
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
