it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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