is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
