I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We have so much sex to catch up on
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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