eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
