did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So drunk its hurt
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
