My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
