I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
