I wannas sexs uuuuu
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
