i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
