i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
